Monday, March 08, 2004


This weekend has sucked big piles of s^%$. Last week we thought T was pregnant. The tests said yes and I was getting excited. Friday night she miscarried. She is not doing well physically or emotionally. She really wants to be a mom. I was excited at being a father. Right now I am just sort of numb. I guess its just exhaustion and emotionally spent. I go on. I came into the office today I have no desire to be here but I have I have to be at, at 12 and a computer class I'm teaching at 3. So here I sit in the quiet of the computer lab unsure of what to say or do. I just don't know.

Then on Sunday I have to deliver a sermon. The only thought has been on Lazarus. Out of our despair and pain God speaks. But what does God speak? He speaks words of life but I have trouble hearing. Life can never be the same. Yet there it is in the deepest valley God speaks. Lazarus come out come and live because I am in too much pain to have you stay dead. Can we hear God without the pain? I wonder.

I meet with Dwight and Rebecca tomorrow. It will be good. I wish I could be in San Diego the whole time but timing being what it is. Maybe the core of life is family and friends.

Blessings on you all


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