Thursday, April 01, 2004

Two jobs, Two visions, and my heartache

Yesterday I had lunch with a mentor. My history with Bill Mikesell goes back to the summer after my junior year at CCU (1999). He came as the denominational youth leader for the Colorado area. I worked at amp for him for three summers and then he sent me to training to become an officer. A couple years ago he was sent here to the college. Our friendship has continued to blossom. His wife is responsible for Tolani and I, they did our wedding, and we have officially settled on them as our mentors (the SA pays the travel and other costs for the next five years). Well we had a good conversation.

Our conversation revolved around the question of what is my role as an officer. Here are some facts:
1) I am paid with community money not church money.
2) The SA expects me to administrate a social service program
3) The SA expects me to pastor a church
4) In the current structure in 90% of cases both are full time jobs
5) I can not do both jobs well
6) All this adds up the fact that I am not paid to be a pastor

But here is the problem. In my mind and the Army's even though I am first and foremost an administrator of a social service operation I am still a pastor or chaplain. Thus I operate with two visions. Right now I am in a position where I can implement some of my business vision. So I do. I am frustrated however because since I have church obligations I can not fully concentrate on the business vision.

The SA in Redondo is a senior ministry. The church is a senior church; we have meals on wheels, and middle income senior housing. My problem is I don't have much of a vision for senior ministry. I don't understand what they are looking for, what they want, what it means for them to follow God, or anything really. All I can do is serve them.

So here is my heartache, I live a confusion of two visions. Able to accomplish neither I just do my job. How long O Lord
How long must I wait
How long until I can reimagine
How long must I wait
How long O Lord
I long to see your face
To hear your voice
To see you move
To see you bring change
How long must I wait in this cloud


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