Monday, September 13, 2004

Light and heavy

Light:
2-1. Seahawks won Raiders lost Broncos won 2 out of three is not bad.

heavy:
Tolani is doing better I am barely holding onto reality it seems. I find myself questioning everything about myself. Can I do the management thing? Does anyone get it when I preach and teach? Does what I do matter? I just don't know. Our Dog (Ted) is being a pain in the butt. He keeps biting everything. I question if I'm training him right. I just hate this feeling. I wonder if I am being everything Tolani needs. I don't trust my thoughts or decisions. I am afraid I'm incompetent. I feel like I am on the edge of something I just don't know what that something is. Two weeks and some vacation. That will be good. I dread going to the office afraid I'll screw up. Afraid I already have. Then I saw this post on "Do Justice. I don't know what to do with it. Tears are that comes.

5 Comments:

Hi, Bill!

You sound healthy to me. Most officers feel that way at times. Caused by too many tasks with some seemingly unrelated to one another. Glad Tolani is better. No matter what you think of yourself, you are a child of God and trust Him to validate your life, not yourself or others. It will make you feel better knowing He loves you even on the days you have trouble loving yourself. He is the One that really matters! I suspect He knows what you are feeling today and completely understands.

I've learned in life to "learn to let go" of things that I can't control and concentrate of those things I can. I let God have the rest, cause He has the big shoulders, not me. It makes life more bearable all way around. Try it, you might find it will work for you.

God bless you, Bill! I'm praying for added strength for both Tolani and you. You'll get through this...its just a tough time for you right now.

Lloyd Michael Fletcher
lmf4@mchsi.com

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:04 AM  

Bill,
As a young man it is normal to pose the questions you are asking yourself, especially during this time with Tolani, but keep the faith in the Lord going strong in your heart and you will do just fine. Those are not empty words Bill, they are the Lord's promise to you, as you draw to Him, He will draw to you. All that Tolani needs from you right now is your strength as a man of God, your prayers as her covering in the Lord, and your love and acceptance of her in no matter what situation you will find your life in. Speaking from 31 years of marriage and six kids later, I know from where I speak. You are called to be her strength at times when she can not cry out to God on her own, you are called to me her one greatest love after her love of Jesus Christ. God has equipted you to be who you are in Him, you just need to trust in Him that He is leading you and He is your comforter through the power of the Holy Spirit. You will also find times in your life when the roles will actually reverse, when she will be the rock of faith for you. It is all a part of growing together in Christ Jesus and finding the road that God has planned for you. Grow together, pray together, even when she can't, you pray with her and lead her. You are each other's help mates and God is the Head of your household. I am praying for you and even though I do not know you physically, my spirit bares witness with you and that you will come through all of this victoriously, just keep pressing into the Lord and He will give you the assurance, guidance and confidence you need. Blessings in the MOST EXCELLENT NAME OF JESUS.

By Blogger Concerned Citizen, at 11:15 AM  

Bill

I read something today about it being in our brokenness that we are truly effective - I don't know - there is strength in vulnerability?

By Blogger Gordon, at 1:28 AM  

Bill you and Tolani are in my prayers. Interesting that I've only met you through the internet, yet I pray for you and your family daily.

Thanks for the link to that great post.

This verse came in my email box today, maybe it will speak to you: John 16:33 "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."

good journey,
Br Boz (alias Dan)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:08 AM  

Bill

I can remember in my very first appointment having a DC who would tell us constantly that we needed to be well-rounded officers (that is good at everything) I used to struggle and try and be a well-rounded officer. Then I started to look around and to date I am yet to meet the well-rounded officer. God gives us gifts and talents to be used at a time for a purpose - I have found he then places other people near us who are good at the things we arent so good at. I have found I need to humble myself and allow others to do what God has gifted them to do to allow me to be what God wants me to be.

I think it is in our weakness that God proves his strength.
God Bless
Glenda

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:56 PM  

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