Monday, April 25, 2005

Tolani's journey to the hospital

Its been over two weeks since this crap started. A night spent in the ER, constant pain in Tolani's side, and playing phone tag with doctors. So here she is lying in the hospital as we wait to find out results and what is next. She won't go home till tomorrow at earliest. So I guess its time for some self reflection.

I feel like Jekyll and Hyde. One minute I'm fine the next I'm depressed. Now I know I am an emotional being. It is usually obvious how I'm feeling even if I try to hide it. But right now my emotions seem crazy. I can't tell what I'm feeling.

I overheard a doctor or someone talking about a patient that had a CT scan (the test Tolani had this morning) and talking about finding a tumor. Now I know I shouldn't be scared but I am. I mean she had one two weeks ago and they didn't see anything. But what if? I hope the Doc comes soon. Tolani just lies here sleeping its her way of coping. I cope by writing or talking and drinking ice tea. Had a diet coke earlier. But ice tea hits the spot. I just wish someone could figure out what is wrong with my wife. I love her so much. I am just so tired. I wish this all would end and we could happy and healthy again. 4-22-05 5:30 PM

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Well its now Saturday afternoon. We finally heard from the doc. I got up early expecting him to be here this morning and no word. I do not know this doc so I'm getting a bit pissed off. He finally just called he was in surgery. I feel like an idiot but I’m just worried about my wife. I do not like her just lying there with no plan. So he will be here soon. I'll write once I know something. 4-23-05 2:15 PM

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Well nothing came up on Saturday so the doc did a scope of her intestines and stomach on Sunday. He found a little inflammation in her stomach but nothing in her intestines. So we know nothing. I'm frustrated and sad. I mean why us? Why does all this crazy crap happen to us. I know its part of life but God when will it end? When will we be rescued from this personal hell?

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