Thursday, December 29, 2005

Life is like...

Life is like new shoes.

Doc said the other day,
Gotta get new shoes,
Leather lace ups would be good,
So hunting I went,
Found some in wide width in a back room of Penny's.

Now I break them in,
Man my feet hurt.

So here is life is like new shoes.

Life is like a shoe that is stiff
Life is like a shoe that needs to be broken in
Life is like a shoe that eventually gets comfortable
Life is like a shoe that eventually wears out.
So life is also like shopping for just the right shoe.

I guess this sum's up the transitions we make in life.
My Payless shoes lasted 5 months or so.
New balance shoes last me 9 months
My Teva's would last years.

I guess life is like that too. May will bring new shoes. I just hope they are easier to break in then these.


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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Its A Girl

Well T had her 20 week ultrasound yesterday. The Doc said he is sure its a girl. I'm not sure how I feel about that right now. I kind of am scared because I am afraid she will too much like other women I am related to. T says its nurture and all and I know she is right, I'm just scared. I can not except failure, what if I fail as a parent? I mean there is no end no telos no destination just parenthood and hopefully the kid is not seriously messed up after I'm dead and my ashes scattered. I guess I am afraid that I will repeat the crap I was dealt.

Anyway, The Road goes through Seattle. Bring it ON.

Pay Shaun, Pay the Man!


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Saturday, December 24, 2005

Merry freaking Christmas

Well in 3 hours I will be finished. Sunday will come and go and I can enjoy my day or so of rest. I hope it will happen sooner then latter. But, facts are facts I really don't like Christmas much. I guess the best thing is is that we are far from family. I survived the parties I wish they had not happened. Gifts are under the tree and more wont get wrapped I just don't care. Got some good flat presents. And gave some too. I just want this to be over with.

Every Christmas I go into a command and control mode. I do well at kettles I have never had a down year. I run it like a business and I just keep going. I constantly make decisions and I am good at it. The problem is that I have difficulty turning it off. So sometimes Tolani feels like I have the same mindset at home. So I am learning that what makes me most effective, one of my greatest assets is also a great weakness.



I received a "walking prayer" that I learned during my daily commutes from the office: "Lord, don't let me bring home emotional leftovers." Every day, everybody else got the best of me, and my family go what was left. That prayer was based on a comment my wife shared with me.

Maybe you have grist for the mill to craft a walking prayer for your situation.

pax Christi,


By Blogger soulpadre, at 6:50 PM  

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Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Tim's blog

Tim has a good conversation going on over here. I encourage you to think about the poor and the churches response.



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Saturday, December 17, 2005


Well after two weeks of having others preach (Yea!) one of us has to preach. That means me. Tolani is not preaching much I think it wears her out. Anyway, Joy. I do not know why my cynical self must talk about joy. To be honest I'd rather talk about exhaustion and depression. I guess I hear the joy talk and I hate it. I mean it the OT it there was always a party associated with joy. My #1 reason for hating Christmas is parties. I mean all these people go and play stupid games and socialize with people they don't normally socialize with and then at some point go home. I'd rather just eat and go home or be home to begin with. I just hate parties. So joy, we are using the Isaiah passage and maybe the angels and shepherds I guess I understand what is being talked about but how do I communicate it that this joy is not necessarily an emotion. Or how do I express that we can be joyful and depressed at the same time. I have a week left of kettles I'm not joyful. In fact I'm pissed off. I'm tired and I want to sleep in. Tolani is pregnant and I'm scared that we might be have a girl. (email me if you want to know why.) The emotion of joy is the last thing I feel except when I look and see that on dec 26th I can sleep in!

So, Rock on.

I guess I will talk on the expectant joy. The idea that Christ coming is a joyous occasion. (Christmas being over is as well) So here is to the holidays, may they come and go quickly!

Bah Humbug.


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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Tookie and all else

The execution (state sanctioned murder?) of Tookie Williams has been getting a lot of play out here in Cali. I guess it has me thinking again.

I think Arnold is a guttless wonder. He issues a statement afraid to face the public.

I think execution is no different then murder. Then again war is about the same too, the only difference is who has the power and who writes the history. To many a murder is a hero.

I think the family saying "we now have closer" is just another way of saying "we have retribution"

I think those who oppose abortion and support the death penalty are logically and theological inconsistent.

I think Tookie would have done no harm locked in prison the rest of his life.

I think Tookie killed those people, but two wrongs don't make right.

I think we need leaders with guts.

I think Arnold will find himself out of office soon.

I think Arnold has joined bush as a man with bloody hands.

I think we need to get past retribution.

I think Christmas is about peace and forgiveness.

I think retribution is about getting even.

I think it took a lot for people not to riot. They set the best example.

I think they created a Martyr.


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Friday, December 09, 2005

Why I'm not on Xanga

Most know by now that there are many SA officers out there with bloggs. Many use Xanga. My issue with Xanga is simple. Most people who use Xanga are in rings (ie only reading and linking to Army blogs.) In addition with so many officers out there internal disputes rise up. I mean people are now apologizing for being tired, sad, depressed, struggling, or any other feeling during this 90+ hour work weeks from hell we call Christmas. My advise NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR POSTING YOUR TRUE FEELINGS. Shorty said I'm always negative. Good. I'm not but I am cynical and I hate what Christmas does to me physically, mentally, and spiritually. I hate it!

So there I hate what we have done to Christmas.
I hate the party's
I hate kettles
I hate decorations
I hate it all!

I a few weeks I won't hate it. No, parts I will miss the driving, the alone time, but I'm sick, tired and right now I want to be done!

Do I feel guilty? No of course not.
So, Shorty don't apologize for hating what Christmas is doing to your family. It Sucks!
Erin, Don't feel guilty for complaining. Your not, your venting. You still get up the next day and do what we have to do.
SA Christmas is not a trial. It is voluntary stupidity. We knew it, some of us ran it, and we have nothing to say except I knew it and I still signed up.

Still, we have the right and should I believe vent and explore what is wrong with the system.

Anyway, keep it up 2 weeks to go.


Hey Bill, Your right. You do bring up alot of valid points. And for the record I don't think your always negative or depressing.. just when your blogging...(kidding, you know i care about you and Tolani)...sometimes your actually pretty cool. There I said it.(gasp, choke, vomit) =-)

By Blogger shorty, at 12:30 AM  

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Tuesday, December 06, 2005


Lets hear it for the Seahawks Defense!
42-0 over the Eagles.

Unfortunatly I did not see it as I was driving picking up kettle workers.

But Wooooooooooooo
Flying high 10-2 the road will go through Seattle so all you NFc wantabees how do you like the rain.


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Monday, December 05, 2005


Well yesterday we had lunch with two of the best people in the world, they married us are he is now teaching High school in Texas. Two of my best friends now do this, I think they are both crazy but doing and amazing thing. If more were like them I might be out of a job.

Kettles are going well, we are on target to surpass our goal. I just can't help but wonder if the 13 hour days are worth it. I am not sure they are.

Life keeps going here. Last week I sat with a guy in my office who is well educated and we worked through foundationalism and Quine's theory of knowledge. I essentially told him that is okay to be postmodern. He felt guilty because he couldn't be modern, he has doubts and questions, he learns and grows, Its okay to be uncertain. So I'll give him Primer to read and see where that goes.

Anyway, baby is fine we will find out after Christmas boy or girl. Tolani is good just tired but so am I these days. 3 weeks left then I will finally get to sleep in!

Well tonight my Seahawks will run over the eagles!

I'll talk about that tomorrow.



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Friday, December 02, 2005

Re: Shorty

I resent that this site is always depressing just most of the time. The Seahawk posts are not depressing unless your a raider fan.

But anyway the season of Christmas has two problems kettles (and the 13 hour days) and obligatory stuff. Family being the biggest. But I suppose if you like your family its a good thing. I love mine as long as they are far away.

You see I am a cynical person. I enjoy seeing the bad of life. It helps me enjoy what good there is. I love the rain and the dark, I am afraid of the sun. I need isolation I loath those Christmas party things. I go cause I have to, expected to, but wanting to run away.

So I spend my day trapped in car with shelter clients and one ADD boy (sort of he's 45). So that is what I do, It is why I love the dark side. So if I am cynical and dark I guess it is simply being honest.

Yes soon I will be a dad it scares the crap out of me. I'm not yet excited just scared. Only a trip to the dark side can tell us why.

So in this season with red and green decorations and light all over, embrace the dark and walk in the rain it does a body good. And now on to kettles the joy of my heart. I wish I could justify not really doing them in my own mind. But sucking at tasks is something I can not do unless I want to prove something and what would that prove? Nothing, so now I drive.

Signing off from the dark side of life.



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