Saturday, April 08, 2006

Life

Well today we bought a lot of baby stuff. Travel system, clothes, bottles, ect.

I realized 1 thing, I am still scared.

Furthermore, I am not ready to be a dad. I mean seriously, me a dad???????

I guess you gotta know me to understand this but depending on others and allowing others to depend on me is not my strong suit. I'm afraid. Now every decision we make has a lot more factors at play.

I don't know how to phrase it or even why but I am afraid.

I think I am afraid because parenting is not something anyone excels at. You either fail or get a C. I mean who has not screwed up their kids a bit?

My parents both got an F. For different reasons and not because of the divorce. I guess a C has always been bad. In school I either got A&B's or I failed gloriously (usually trying for a D). To get a C was worse then failure, it was mediocre. So if you can not get an A as a parent and a C is all I can expect, am I okay with the knowledge that average is good. I guess its all a bit confusing but I am frightened. So in the words of Major Sidney Freedman (psychiatrist from MASH) "Ladies and gentlemen take my advise, pull down your pants and slide on the ice." I do not know what he meant but it sounds good and in the face of war or baby on the way, (both a sort of crisis) I guess the shrink had a point.

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