Sunday, April 02, 2006

O Canada

Well, I returned safely from Toronto. What a great city. I did not snow though, I was mad at that.

The conference was great (a great Army conference-who'd have thunk it?). Many things struck me but I want to focus of guy who seriously triggered me. Bill spoke about trust and leadership. Mainly you have trust people in order to be a leader.

Here is what hit me.

1) I don't often trust people I don't work with.
2) Its easier to trust people that work for me.
3) It takes years for me to trust people.
4) Sometimes I don't trust my wife (meaning I doubt that she love me ect.)--Note those doubts are in my head they do not exist.
5) I don't trust organizations, (I trust some people within the Army just not the Army as an institution)
6) I do not always trust that God wants what is best for me. Actually I usually wonder if God cares, everyone else for that matter.
7) Learning to trust is hard.
8) I have to learn to trust.
9) I am better today then I was 5 years ago.

I guess trust is the same reason I never wanted to emotionally invest in anything. Everyone I have ever loved until recently has left. When you grow up alone, You find out who you can trust, who is safe, The answer was always only those who don't really know me. So in some ways the real me was never known. My wife knows the real me more then anyone, and so I still fear sometimes that she will leave too. I am usually this open on this blog but I think I need to be. Maybe Its a start of learning to trust. I guess my issue with trust is this "Why would anyone care about me?"

Well I did not mean for this to get so deep. Its just my way of processing what I sat there thinking on Tuesday. So here is to all the lonely people out there maybe we can trust someday.


Bill man, so sorry we couldn't get together. I am glad you enjoyed Toronto though and that the conference was good. Maybe one day I'll make to Cali and we can get together then.

By Blogger Ian, at 6:33 PM  


About a month ago we did an exercise on trust in Survivors of Abuse where everyone listed reasons (good/bad/otherwise) about why they trusted people. The list was interesting to say the least.

Ranging from a person having character and being trustworthy to the type of clothes someone wears to "I don't trust anyone."

We then asked them to make a list of people (in their head) that they trusted (we did not define the word, but everybody took trust to mean deepest darkest parts of ourselves) and we then asked them if they had one to two people, two to four, over four, or less than one person. It was a hard excercise because pretty much everyone there was in the two or less category, which is to me expected in that setting, but I think that that might be the typical answer in America today.

We then talked about how trust is a huge category (in its broadest terms), they trusted us to keep them safe in the group, they trusted the bank to hold their money, they trust the people that make their food, they trust the people that make the furniture makers. But general trust was not what was taken away from most of them, it was intimate trust which is also important.

I think that my wife knows who I am better than I do at times and she still loves me and I trust her when she tells me that.

By Blogger Dwight, at 7:49 AM  

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